In Memory of

Florence D. Bury

Born

Place...... Daguscahonda, Pennsylvania
When................... December 10,1912

Entered Into Rest

Place.................................Niles, Ohio
When............................. July 30,1991

Age 78 yrs. 7 months 21 days

Background song
"I will always love you"

The loss of a loved one is hard to deal with. I know from experience. I have lost many people in my life, but none that devastated me as much as my mothers death. I found out what it means to have your heart broken. I had many feelings at her passing, anger was among them and a huge sense of disconnection. Oh yes and the hurt, I never felt anything like it in my life. The pain was almost unbearable I thought my heart would break in two.

It has been almost ten years since my mom passed away, but at times it seems like yesterday. I had so many ups and downs . I think the sense of disconnection was the worst part. When my mom died it left a void, a feeling of no roots. This is the only way I can explain it. It has been almost eight years and the pain at times is still very great. But it is indeed lessening.

My Mother died of Cancer of the Pancreas
She didn't have a lot of pain until the last day or two before she died. She just had and extreme amount of tiredness. I never saw tiredness like this, it took all her strength to smile, but smile she did until the very end. She also kept her lucidity 'till the end. She spoke to me and knew who I was just minutes before she died.

My Mom was a remarkable person. She had this cancer and still tried to make me feel good. She loved my art and was so proud of me. She took everyone in her room to show them a flower that I had painted. At that time I was just learning to paint. The flower wasn't very good but she thought it was beautiful. She gave me a great deal of encouragement to continue with my art. "Oh Mom if you are looking down at me you know, I did continue to paint and I hope you like what I am doing." The greatest stepping stone I had in my art career was when I painted the picture that you see above. We have a park near us called Milcreek Park and my mom had learned that they just put in a covered bridge. She was very ill at this time but she so wanted to see it. So I took her and it seemed to rejuvenate her for a time. She loved this park. She had grown up around here and couldn't believe all the changes. Little did I know these would be some of the last pictures of my mother. I put them away for about two years and then got this one out and started to paint her. This was one of the most difficult times of my painting career. I couldn't stop the tears from mingling with the watercolor. It took many hours and several weeks to complete this painting, and many, many tears, every time I looked at this picture it was as though she was leaving me again. When I finally finished it , I came to realize that she didn't leave, she just went home. If you look at the picture you will see that she was determined. She would finish this walk and her journey home.

My Mother went on her journey just months before her first great grandchild was born. She was so excited to be a great grandma. Her second great grandson was born on her birthday. She would have been so proud and happy to have these two beautiful great grandsons.

I am putting this page on the Internet as a tribute to her and a healer for me. I still have a hard time with this. I still see her as she looked the day she died, although it is getting a little dimmer.

I wanted to take this time to thank HOSPICE. The people from Hospice were instrumental in helping to keep my mom home. If it hadn't been for them she would have had to spend her final days in the hospital or a nursing home. My Mom had a great fear of nursing homes and begged me never to put her in one. I promised and Hospice helped me keep that promise. I can't thank them enough for what they did to help. For those of you who don't know Hospice is national. Anyone can get help from them if they have a member of there family in need. I hope to have a full page about Hospice. Hospice also helps the survivors. They knew that I was taking my Mom's death very hard and they kept in constant contact with me, calling and stopping by to visit. They did this for 1 and a half years. I just can't say enough good about them.

From time to time I will be adding to this page and putting down my feelings. I hope in this way to help someone else out there who is suffering a loss such as mine. I still miss Mom but she is always in my heart. I think she would approve of this page.

New!!!! My Mom's Birthday a special request.(1997)

It is almost my mom's birthday. I will be celebrating her birth on my grandson's birthday. He was born on her birthday. I just wanted to say a few words and to update this page a little. It is still very painful to come to this page. I look at the picture above and I want to stop her from taking this walk. I know that this is a walk we will all take someday, but that doesn't help. I miss her and get angry at her because she is not here. I am an adult and I know this is not her fault. But it still hurts. Especially at this time of year. My mom and I didn't always get along but in my adult years and her senior years we became very close. I know she loved me even though there were times, when I was growing up I thought she didn't. But I would like to say a few words to all out there who may be losing a loved one. Do everything you can to make peace with them, let them know you care. I am so glad my mom and I became so close. It is the only thing I have now. It means so very much. It is painful to lose one you love, but how much worse to lose one you haven't made peace with. Once they are gone it is to late. So for me and my mom and her birthday please if you are one of those people make peace. Don't let bitterness go to the beyond. Well that is all for now. I will try and update this page more often. I know my mom would approve. And Mom , Happy Birthday
I love you so much your loving daughter Sandy(1997)

My Mom's Birthday a special request.(1998)

I am again celebrating my Mom's birthday and as a special tribute I would like to include some links to places she would have found interesting. Here is the first it is a place with a brief history of the Carnation. This is my Mom's favorite flower. So here is the link to it. Carnations for those of you who prefer white carnations. Here is a virtual card place that has valentine Carnations. They are just lovely. Just think because of my Mom there are many of you who will be able to find the perfect valentine this year for you valentine. What a tribute to my Mom. I am sure she would just love this.I would also like you to know how to take care of your carnations. Here is a little history of the carnation.
Boy Mom it has been another year and I still miss you like it was yesterday. I am so glad I have this page to express my self to you. I know wherever you are you know what I am doing. I love you mom. Today is your birthday and I would so like to have you here with me. Your little great grandson is having his birthday today he will be four. He is just beautiful. He is a towhead just like you were. I just can't believe it has been 7 and a half years since you left us. You would be so proud of your grandchildren and your great grandchildren. Jimmy is six now and just beautiful. Looks like Beth I think. Jake looks exactly like Timmy, who by the way is doing wonderfully. You would be very proud of him and Tammie. Tammie is getting married on the 20th of February. Oh Mom, you would like him. He is going to take care of our girl. He is a very good person and treats Tammie like she was made out of gold. Beth and Brian are doing fine with the two boys. Beth is still the little girl we all adore. She is a great mom. And guess what. I have turned out to be a great grandma. I am nana to the boys. Mom you taught your lessons on grandparenting well. I remember all the times you told me that you must listen to the kids, I do and guess what. I love them as much or more than you did Tammie, Timmy and Beth. Well Mom I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. You wouldn't like that so I better catch a grip and wish you one more time Happy Birthday. I know you will get this wherever you are. Love and Hugs Sandy. (1998)

New!!! My Mom's Tribute is continued here.(Feb, 1999)

Well Mom it has been almost eight years now since you have taken you long walk home. It still seems like yesterday. The image of you in that bed right before you left is still with me. It is fading just a little and for the first time. I dreamt of you as you were before you got sick. Tears fill my eyes when I think of you although there is still just a little smile along with them. I remember the many things you did for me like taking care of all the grandchildren. You loved them so much. At times, I will admit I was a little jealous, but just a little. I am sure you knew that. You were the one person who seemed to know what everyone was thinking. *grin* Do you remember how Tammie (your oldest grandchild) used to think you had a third eye, and sometimes a fourth.*grin* I told her you did and it was invisible. hee hee She always wondered how you knew things she did without her or I having to say. It was just you mom. You seemed to know all. Sometimes it was a little scary but I guess that is the way mom's and grandma's appear to there children as the know all be all. I know I am sort of rambling here but I did want to say that I love you and will continue with my tribute to you as long as I live. St. Pats day is coming up and I will be placing a couple of things here for you. You used to get such a kick out of it. Oh Yes mom I wanted also to tell you that Carmel is ill and if you would put in a good word for her I am sure she would appreciate it. Did you know also, (I am sure you were watching) That you very special Tammie got married. Mom I think she got a winner this time and you will not have to worry about her anymore. His name is Steve and he is wonderful to her.Some people may think this is strange to talk to you this way but it does seem to make you feel closer to me. I will go now you have heard enough of my ramblings at this time but I will be back very soon.

New addition to the tribute (Feb. 2000)

Well Mom, It has been awhile since my last post. I am so sorry that I missed your birthday and Christmas but I am having quite a turmoil. A lot of sad things are going on . Tim and his wife are splitting and possibly Beth and Brian. I am so worried about the boys, you beautiful little great grandsons. I am trying so hard to be supportive for them. I love them dearly. My heart is breaking for all of the upset my babies, yes I still think of them (Beth & Tim ) as my babies, are going through. I have been praying for them. Mom, I know that you can look down on them. Maybe you can say a word or two to God to help them at this time. I know I am rambling again but I feel much closer to you when I can just sit here and picture what you would say or do. Well I will say that I miss you very much and wish you where here so I could cry on your shoulder. Mom, you wouldn't believe how much the boys have grown. I know you never got to see them but, I know also that you can watch over them from up there. Mom, keep a special eye on them for me. They need to have a gaurdian angel and I can't think of a better one than you. Tammie is doing great, as I am sure you know. She is not drinking or smoking cigs and more. Wow it is so nice she is so much healthier now, no more of that awful coughing . It has been two years since she quit alcohol and a year for the cigarettes this is just so wonderful. Her husband Steve is just great also. Well mom I am off for now. I am going to find a valentine for you. I will stop by later and bestow it on you. Bye for now Love you much Sandy

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My newest post 2002

Well Mom it is me again. I am so sorry it has been so long since I have written to you. I have been having a hard time dealing with a double divorce in the family. Timmy & Lisa and Beth & Brian. The boys haven't been very happy with what is happening but I think they are finally accepting it. Curtis and I have moved into a new home. It has been quite a move for us. But I know you would like it. I have been having such a rough time lately. Beth wants to move the kids away from me. I just can't stand the thoughts of it. The boys are really growing you should see them Jimmy is a big ( little like Beth) 10 year old now. Any you birthday boy Jacob is all of seven. They are so cute and loving. It is so sad to see them and know that they can be taken away at any time. I have tried to talk to Beth but she won't listen at all. She is so stubborn much like you. That must be where she gets it. Timmy is not doing well at all he is on drugs big time and can't seem to pull himself out of the mess he is in. Tammie is the only one doing well. She is remarried to a very nice guy named Steve. I think you would like him. He is very good to her and treats her like she is made out of gold. I can think of no one who deserves it more than her.I know I am rambling all over the place but that is what I have been doing lately. Dad passed away also. I have been in the dumps ever since. 

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I want to take this time to say how much you are missed mom and to put your favorite flower on this page. I would like to tell all of you that my mom had a favorite flower it was red Carnations. She said it was the most practical of all the flowers. My mom was very thrifty. She didn't go much for cut flowers because she said they didn't last very long. Well one year I got her a dozen of red carnations for her birthday which is in December. They lasted well into the New Year. She was thrilled and after that asked for flowers every year Yeah you got it , Red Carnations. So this is for you mom. Merry Christmas I love you still and you are missed so very much. Love Sandy (1997)

Mother's Day 1998

This is probably one of the Saddest days of my Life.
I really miss my mom. I want to say so many
things I didn't get a chance to say. But, I think
she knows that. My Mom and I weren't always
close. So it is with special meaning that a poem
submitted to tidbits, a newsletter put out for
a group I belong to called Ladies of the Heart, is
going to be placed on my mom's page as a tribute.

This poem is© copyrighted by Barbara Fagen 1988
please do not copy without permission for the Author

Mother's Day 1999

Well here it is again another Mother's Day. I still miss mom as much as the first day she left me.
I know there were times when my mom and didn't exactly see eye to eye but when I needed her
the most she was there for me. We had many laughs together and many tears. My mother was a
wonderful grandma. My children had the most wonderful grandma the could have had. To them
she was Ema that is what they called her. I sometimes come to this page and just talk to her. It
seems to make me feel closer to her. So mom here is what I wanted to tell you, the kids are doing
wonderful. Your beloved Tammie has married and this time mom she got a good one. His name is
Steve and he just loves her to pieces. And mom guess what. She quit smoking and so did Beth.
Wow, I bet that makes you happy.  Your two great grandsons are just as sweet as ever and Mom
I think I am going to be just as good a grandma as you were. I am nana to them and they spend
almost every weekend with Curtis and I. Oh Mom I just wish you were her. Curt has been Ill
and maybe you would be able to make him slow down. I love him dearly and I know you will put in
a good word for him. Boy it seems like you just can't get rid of me with my problems. But I know
that you treasure these little talks as much as I do. Awe mom I miss you so. It just seems like
yesterday that you were her and we talked every day on the phone. You know I still find myself
picking up the phone to call you. Well I guess I must let you go once again. Please mom know
This  I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

This page was last updated
03/15/07

Here are some Links For Hospice and Pancreatic Cancer

Pam has a beautiful page on Hospice and many links that you will find useful . I have been to this page and it is absolutely exquisite.

A Friend I have met on the net has given me permission to use these poems on my page as a tribute to my mom . She seemed to understand my need to do so. She has lost her mother also. So without further ado here they are.

©1997 By Sandra L. Evans

As Children Come

As children come to tug the cloth at hip and hem,
demanding. Mother's eyes to sooner notice them
( and whine like skeeters caught betwixt the mind and ear
until she stops, and drops on bended knee to hear),
as children come abegging love beyond reward,
so come repentant men to Jesus Christ the Lord.
As Mother heeds each cry her new-born infants make
and notes the strength, the length, the pitch, the depth, the ache,
and knows the need; and gently rocks one babe to rest,
sings lull-a-byes to one, and comforts one abreast,
as Mother comes to each with all her heart out-poured,
so to repentant men comes Jesus Christ the Lord.

Sandra L. Evans

©1997 By Sandra L. Evans

Do Not Weep

Do not weep.
Shed no tears at final print
my foot has pressed on earth's rich soil.
Retrace no step on trails behind,
nor seek a sign on paths ahead.
My ghost won't walk. On new-found wings,
my soul has scaled far mountain heights,
I've soared the skies eagle-free,
climbed sun and moon and stars,
explored the depths of uncharted space,
and rest at last on welcome shores.
In Eden lies the throne of God.
Creature returns to Creator's hand.
Spirit bends in humble praise
at pierced feet. Jesus speaks.
I understand and shed no tears.
I do not weep.

Sandra L. Evans

Thank you so much Sandra for the use of these beautiful poems. Now you may visit this beautiful ladies Home page for this link . Please do her pages are wonderful.

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